Here and Now: Two Poems by Chintan Girish Modi
Photo: Karan Madhok
Poetry: ‘For every night of stolen sleep / every moment of crushing despair / every taste of I can’t do this anymore’
Non-apology
Your sorry seems too easy
And not enough
I want to see you grovelling at my feet
begging to be pardoned
For every night of stolen sleep
every moment of crushing despair
every taste of I can’t do this anymore
I want you to know what it means to suffer
to be alive and adrift
for months on end
hungry for touch and affection
suspended in a bardo
of he loves me
he loves me not
*
The Queer Buddhist
The self-proclaimed ally wants to know
Are you a he/him
or a they/them?
No, wait
Are you a she/her?
I smile
and pause
instead of muttering the quick thank you
that comes easily to me
Here is a chance to speak my truth
And I must take it.
Fleeing from the compulsion
to be a pronoun-ed person
I sheepishly say:
I am a here/now.
***
Chintan Girish Modi has an M.Phil in English Language Education, and has worked with the UNESCO Mahatma Gandhi Institute of Education for Peace and Sustainable Development, the Kabir Project, and the Hri Institute for Southasian Research and Exchange. His writing has appeared in Bent Book: A Queerish Anthology, Fearless Love, Clear Hold Build, Borderlines Volume 1, and more. He can be reached at chintan.writing@gmail.com, on Instagram: @chintanwriting and Twitter: @chintanwriting.
